The Super League festive XIII
Apologies in advance for this. It’s that time of year, Christmas is right around the corner and the new season still feels a million miles away, so I’ve cobbled together a team made up of Super League players with a Christmas twist. And once again, I apologise for the dreadful puns…
Full back: Festeve Bell
Starting with the number one, this was actually the trickiest position to fill. All I needed was a full-back called Steve to make the pun work, and I couldn’t even do that.
So, step forward, Steven Bell, an Australian centre or winger who played for Catalans Dragons in 2009 and 2010. (Thank you to the Rugby League yearbook for helping to bail me out with this one!)
Winger: Martin Offiahplace
This rugby league legend needs no introduction, and while most of his career was before the dawn of Super League, my trusty yearbook reliably informs me that he still managed almost 50 tries in the competition.
Winger: Paul Newlove Actually
Ok, so the puns aren’t getting any better but the players are of a decent standard at least. The St Helens legend crossed the try line more than 100 times during his Super League career, although admittedly most of his appearances were in the centres.
Centre: Chris Turkey Joynt
This one’s an absolute shocker I’ll admit. And he’s playing out of position as well, so I’ve really had a mare here, but bear with me, because as it turns out, it’s the forwards who have the most pun-friendly names.
As for Chris Joynt, another Saints legend of course, and a player who made over 200 appearances in Super League. So I’m keeping him in.
Centre: Mark Bells are ringing
These puns really aren’t getting any better are they? And while I was hoping to go for a more recognisable name like James Bell at Saints, I didn’t want too many players out of position, so I’ve gone for the Aussie who spent a single year at Wigan in 1998 and picked up a Grand Final winner’s ring as well.
Scrum half: Holly Russell
The Huddersfield Giants man is on course to make his 100th Super League appearance in 2024, and at just 25-years-old, there should be plenty more to come.
Stand off: Tree Briers
Ouch, this one’s another bad one! The Warrington legend scored more than 2,000 points in Super League, and he’s now pulling up trees (get it? never mind) as an assistant at the Brisbane Broncos.
Prop: Dom Bing Crosby
Finally the puns are picking up…in my opinion at least. Crosby played for Warrington, Leeds and Wigan during a solid Super League career, but it’s at the latter where he had his best years, playing almost 100 times and appearing in four straight Grand Finals.
Prop: Frankincense-Paul Nu’uausala
The ‘wrecking ball’ never quite lived up to the hype during his time at Wigan, although he was part of a Grand Final, Challenge Cup and WCC winning squad, so he didn’t do too bad in England.
Hooker: Lloyd White Christmas
The former Widnes man’s been around for a while, and although his Super League days are probably over now, he’ll still be turning out in the Championship in 2024, for Toulouse.
Second row: Mistletony Puletua
This one’s my favourite as far as the puns go. The player wasn’t too bad either, with TP racking up more than 100 appearances for St Helens in Super League, followed by shorter stints at Salford and Hull KR.
Second row: Saint Nick Fozzard
The nickname seems quite apt, given that most of Fozzard’s Super League appearances came for Saints. He also turned out for Castleford, Hull KR, Warrington, Leeds and Huddersfield during his career.
Loose forward: Nathan Christmassey
Last but not least, it’s the Castleford stalwart, Nathan Massey, who made more than 300 appearances for the Tigers before making the move to Featherstone for 2024.
